Turkey Day Dish

We are wrapping up a lovely holiday break.  The house is an utter disaster, four out of four kids have been in tears in the last hour, tonight's dinner is a compilation of air popped popcorn salted and buttered and reheated whatever catches your fancy from the fridge.

These rainy family filled days have been full of all of the good things of life: naps, board games, football games, fun dips and drinks, long hours lounging in bed with the lamps on and a good book in my hand, staying up too late, sleeping too late, pumpkin pie, Piecaken, Turducken, you get the idea.

In about an hour we'll put the exhausted kids to bed and I will go from room to room fluffing and tidying so that the morning will greet me with a smile, but there is something that I read recently that has changed me in so many ways and I wanted to share it with you.

I'm not sure one sentence from a book has ever stayed with me like this one four word sentence.  I may not even be quoting it verbatim, but in my mind this is how I remember the words.  As soon as I read this sentence, I had to put the book down and process for a day or so.

It is the application of these four words that infused my holiday with peace that in turn filled me with joy.  So, here you have it.  Eat more chicken.  OK, really, here you go...

Rest begins with acceptance.

I imagine the freedom that comes from understanding this concept will play out differently between you and me.

There are so darn many things we don't have control over.  We can fuss and get all worked up but at the end of the day nothing has changed.  Could taking steps toward happiness begin with accepting what is?  I'm saying, YES it can.  Change what you can, pray over the stuff bugging you, and then try accepting what is, and then step back and see if your perspective doesn't begin to change.

One of the hardest things for me to accept was that my family hated the "Family Fun Christmas Shopping Day" experience I tried to create for us several years in a row.  Bunch of freaks.  They went postal on me every year I tried to implement the new "fun" tradition.  After year three ending in shambles I raised my white flag and ditched the tradition.  (I wanted us to get dressed up cute, go shop for gifts all afternoon, end at a restaurant with a good dinner, the kind where you can order a Coke and an appetizer if you want, and then come home to watch Elf and eat Candy Cane cookies by the fire)  Turns out, all my peeps hate shopping.  Long story short, I accepted the fact that I live with mentally strange people and now I just shop and eat alone and it rocks.

This year I accepted that my high need for order and the fact that I live in a house with other people who make messes ev-ah-reeeeeee-where often clash.  Somehow I was able to accept that the Mickey Mouse, blanket, sweater, orphan sock, and dancing Santa on the floor don't have to derail me.  Might've been a Christmas Miracle, but I'm going back to my earlier statement that accepting what is might just be the ticket to living in rest.

In the midst of stuff littering every surface, I put into action what I could control.  I lit my candles and tree.  I drank fun drinks.  Every day I napped.  I read a book and played games with my kids.  Most nights we restored the order before bed so we could start again the next day.  It makes me think of Nester when she says it doesn't have to be perfect to be beautiful.  Being able to accept reality brings rest.  None of it has to be perfect.  Change what you can, pray about what you need to, and accept the rest (no pun intended).

(awesome quote taken from Sarah MacKenzie's book, Teaching From Rest)

Day 8 Unplugged

Long story short the house is louder, messier and happier with the absence of TV.

We had a busy weekend at church and so the plan this week was to have a movie night Saturday.  Y'all.  It was the best movie night ever.  After a week of no TV we all had the jitters.

The ol' Pizza Hut special supplied our dinner and then we piled into our bed to watch Inside Out (cutest movie ever).

And then Saturday turned into Sunday with all of its football game glory and here we are to today, Monday, and this is where I am at a crossroads.  Here is the deal.  I have eight kids at the house today.  And our routine is to let them chill in front of a movie in the afternoon during rest time.  Don't hate me, but I think I'm going to let them watch a movie today.

In the meantime, the TV is OFF and they are playing, drawing, and running around with screaming giggles playing chase.

If this is what balance could look like then I like it.  Solid times of play and an occasional window for TV watching.  Not even every day, but during special times.

Yesterday afternoon we came home from church and I loved what happened.  Some kids were on the couch with their journals.  Some were at the table doing things.  Everyone found what they wanted to do and got to it with little to no direction from us.  They are figuring out how to do things in their free time.  This holds immense value.

Day 3 Unplugged

Monday morning I woke up to the sight of Shane carrying our big screens to the closet.

We are unplugging from TV and video games this month, except for an occasional football game perhaps.

I have a love/hate relationship with the idea of unplugging.

Why are we unplugging?

Heck if I know.

Ha.

Well, it's because we are super-spiritual parents.

(insert laughter here)

Man.

In all seriousness there are several reasons, and they all boil down to this:

We want to reprogram. 

I can tell you this about my experience regarding the effect of TV.  Whenever we get around cable, it only takes one short day for the bad attitudes to start taking over.  The switch is nearly instant.

The first two mornings this week the poor children sat around twiddling their thumbs not sure what to do.  It took a couple days for the creative juices to start flowing again.

Last night they played board games with Shane.  They went to bed early and asked to have time to draw with their little lights on.  Today they've been creating smoothie recipes.  They are playing games.  They are creating new games. 

Here is something else that has been happening.  The boys are singing.  For some reason this has surprised me.  But they seem happier and I guess when you are feeling settled on the inside, sometimes it just comes right on out in song.  How does it go?  For out of the overflow of the heart the mouth speaks.

It is like an atmosphere of joy has invaded our home.

 

I'm not telling you that three screen free days have morphed my kids into perfect creatures. What I am telling you is that the atmosphere has quickly changed for the better and the change has been pretty drastic.

I'll be real honest.  I use screen time every day in my household and while I'm pouring my guts out now is probably a good time to remind you that we also eat sugared cereal. 

The books say to have quiet time in the afternoon and give the kids a choice to read or rest. 

Confession: my version of that is Wii or a movie.

I can't say for sure what has stopped me from enforcing the reading and resting.  Probably because Wii is easier.  There is no backlash from that so I suppose I just choose the easy road by default.

I'm pretty sure we'll reintroduce Wii/TV back into our home.  I can't imagine not having any of that stuff and I like the idea of learning balance.  But these short three days have fascinated me and I thought you might be interested.

Morning Rotations

To say I have been discouraged with getting the hang of schooling with a toddler would be an understatement.

Last year when we fully switched to the WholeHearted learning model, we began experiencing the freedom and joy which I believe every homeschooling mother and family can know.  Joy returned to our learning experience.  Along with the joy came freedom in our days.  My ministry of discipleship to our children is homeschooling them.  We use real, whole books to learn, along with living real life together.

That being said, there are some parts of school (which we call the disciplined studies) that require practice and they require my full attention to teach.  Having a precious toddler running here and there and needing me was stretching me too thin to feel we were accomplishing the things we needed to be getting done.  That left me feeling like a failure.

God has given me this directive to educate our children at home.  He has filled our table with the blessing of a lot of children.  And yet...I did not know how to manage it all and the result was a discouraged mama.

Monday I found a darling lady named Sarah who made a video.  In the video she said something that sparked my attention.  She mentioned the idea of morning rotations with mom.  She has six children herself.  She schools three, and the other three?  A three year old and two year old twins.  Needless to say, she is speaking from experience on how to handle the load.

This is genius.  For morning rotations, you have each older child take a turn at watching the toddler so your focused attention can be on teaching the one on one stuff.  It is such a simple concept.  Each older child gets a turn at watching the toddler and your hands are freed to do the one on one teaching that needs to get done.

These pictures are every mother's dream scenario. 

With incorporating morning rotations, this is becoming our every day reality, even with an active toddler running around.  Little darling loves to climb on the table, find a writing device, and go to town on any paper and surface she can find.

Who me?  Yeah cutie, I'm talking about you!

We are experimenting with times the older kids can handle watching their baby sister.  I think a good starting point is 15-30 minutes a session.  Break and let mom be on duty, then settle into another rotation.

Sometimes I am the queen of forgetting to, you know, PRAY and ask God to give me specific wisdom on how to keep going and what we need to do to change and get back on track.  I get discouraged on how I feel we are failing and I let myself stay stuck for a bit.  So I pray and tell God that things are hard and I feel like I'm failing, but I don't think to ask if He would show me something specific to try. 

This week God was gracious to lead me to an answer to the problem I'd forgotten to pray about. 

He also reminded me that I go without so many things because I fail to ask.

Lesson learned.

Again.

If you want further encouragement on managing the schoolroom, check out Sarah Mackenzie at Amongst the Lovely Things.  www.amongstlovelythings.com.  Not only is Sarah the cutest thing you've ever seen, she is bubbly and full of wisdom.

(p.s. Just as I was about to press the publish button my phone rang.  It was my dear friend calling.  She has been praying about my discouragement with me.  She was standing at the stove stirring her apple butter and I was able to share with her that our prayers have been answered, that I found a solution to the problem.  So much goodness.)

the ONE thing that changed our marriage and rescued us

The night before, I had moved my pillow and a comforter to the couch so I wouldn't keep him up with my coughing.  Mid-episode of The Pioneer Woman I finally drifted off to sleep, it was the middle of the night.

I woke up to a kiss on the cheek and a Salted Caramel Mocha, and out the door he went for a day of work.  Our day went on as usual.  There was no big fanfare.  We threw burgers on the grill for dinner and topped them with bacon, cheddar and sautéed onions.  The six of us sat around the table and ate on paper plates.  After dinner we all ended up in the driveway enjoying a perfect fall evening.  The kids rip-sticked and shot hoops, the baby found a left-over bracelet from our yard sale and held her arm straight out in front of her so it would not fall off her arm as she toddled around.  We sat in camp chairs and talked.

There were no cards, no gifts, no diamond rings, no fancy trip.  It was us and a Thursday that carried on like the one before and the one that will come again next week.

But, even though it was business as usual, yesterday carried an infusion of celebration with it.  It was one of the best celebrations I have ever known.  Our day held contentment.  It held gratefulness that we have lived to tell about 15 years of commitment to each other.  Some years, this day has found us with a strained relationship, the hard times.  But this year our friendship and love are in a settled place and that is a gift more valuable than any store-bought thing.

If I could say there was one thing that has shaped our marriage more than any other it would be this:

Prayer.  Pray about every little tiny thing that is in your heart.  Keep praying and keep asking.  Trade in the fussing for prayer.  When the years come and go and you still don't have your answer you keep on.  Don't walk away from it.  You've been praying for seven years and things are still the same?  Keep on.  Don't you dare stop.  The work is hard but you keep fighting in prayer.

 

He may be a jerk and you may be angry but keep doing the hard work of trusting that God can give life to the dead places. 

 

Even when you go to bed alone and feel like you are stuck in a prison of marriage, keep on.  Don't stop praying and believing God can be trusted with even the most broken things. 

 

When you take one step forward and two steps back, keep praying. 

 

And when you see him blossom before your eyes because he has changed?  Celebrate. 

 

When you see yourself becoming a woman who is night and day different from the one he said his vows to? Rejoice. 

 

When you realize that contentment is defining your days and laughter has returned to your home?  You thank Jesus that He can restore anything.  You remember that He can be counted on.  Remember.

 

A good marriage does not happen by accident.  You show me a man and a woman who have a thriving marriage and I will show you two broken people who have hung in there and fought in prayer until the change came.

 

Schooling 101

It's weird.

I look at this picture and from the evidence it would appear that these little boys are joyfully chipping away at furthering their education while I stand nearby and menu plan for a large family on a budget.

(why is this picture upside down?  all I can say is the devil is alive and I don't know)

 

 

We are all taking a break.  The boys are resting their hands and mine is a mental health break which includes dreaming of sectionals and writing.

 

So, here's the deal.

 

The shiny has worn off of the new and we are settled into the real trenches of our new days which includes ABC's & 123's.  We are still trying to establish our routines for the new year and as usual, I am battling my Type A perfectionist side that doesn't tend to mix well with what I have been called to do.  We are still settling into a new house.  Most of the unpacking is done, I still have some organizing to do, but we are almost done and completely settled.

 

One of my biggest challenges right now with being productive is something we like to call "THE TODDLER." 

 

We recently moved into an older home that we renovated and it is bigger than any other house I've ever lived in and it takes me a few minutes to find that little stinker.  Not to mention she has several hiding spots she tends toward.  It's not that I don't like interrupting lessons to play find the monkey, I do, it's just that it makes for frustration from time to time.

 

My latest wild goose chase led me to a remote corner behind a chair where she was trying on big brother's tennis shoes.

 



Here are a few things I'm reminding myself of today:

• I have the time to accomplish what I need to accomplish today.
• It doesn't all have to get done.
• Despite how I feel, God has given me every tiny ounce of grace that I need to navigate the waters of today.
• Seeing as how it is almost noon, I should probably get out of my jammies and get ready for the day which always helps change my perspective.
• Take breaks.
• It is not only OK for big brothers to chip in on sharing the load, it is vital.  I am one woman with two hands shepherding a whole herd of precious children.  I need help.  We all have to work together to make this work.
• Pause to read an enjoyable book.
• Smile.
• Sing.
• Laugh.
• Find my chocolate stash and hide for a few minutes.
• Pray.
• Make sure my eyes are focused on Jesus and not the chaos.

Something New

August 17th and January 1 share more than one similarity, the main one being a new start.  I like today better than January 1 because we are focusing on backpacks/fresh haircuts/new clothes/Pinterest signs/cute front door wreaths/school supplies and the focus is not on diets.  So much more fun!

Pictures of newness fill the Internet and it is a sweet sight.  Little ones launching out into another year of growing up. 

We have been renovating a house and are trying to wheel that bad boy into the driveway.  It has been a month of living out of boxes which has been a stretch for me and my high need for order.  This year we are tag teaming some of teaching load with our sweet friends.

This little darling got tubes last month and has been a new child!  Happier and talking more, I am so thankful we did tubes!

So, about the house.  When we purchased it Shane wanted to renovate it and flip it, I on the other hand fell in love with it the first time I walked in the front door, and wanted to fix it up to raise our family here and stay put forever.  So guess what I did?  Prayed, prayed, PRAAAAAYED and asked the good Lord to change Shane's mind and let us stay.

You can imagine my surprise when one night we were at a Kid's Eat Free eating establishment and Shane grabbed the blue crayon, flipped the coloring page over, and started mapping out what it would look like for us to stay in our reno.

Such a happy night for me.

Can't wait to show you pictures of the house!  I have been in paint sample heaven!