Thursday, August 11, 2016

Three Years

Would you believe it has been a little over three years since I came home fully.


Eight years of pouring my heart and soul into my business ended one July afternoon with an email and a phone call.  The ending of an era and ushering in of a new one happened in ten short minutes. 

It was done, I was free.  Feeling lost, I walked around my house looking around, not sure what to do with myself.  With a husband out of the country and the boys at the neighbors, I found myself in a rare moment of quiet.  Alone.  Unemployed by the doing of my own hands.  I felt like a stranger in my own home, uncertain of what you do when you cut the chains that have held you prisoner for so long, what does freedom feel like?  What am I supposed to do?

Like riding a bike, I did what I do.  I cleaned my house.  Left to right, top to bottom, the order always the same.  Familiar rhythms found their way into the first moments of this new life, birthed only moments earlier.   I started in my bathroom and worked my way around our home fluffing and shining every surface.  Vacuum lines filled the carpets in every room as things began to take shape before my eyes.  Every single lamp in the house was on and the sun flooded through summer windows.  The candle flickered on the ledge of the bar filling the room with a sweet fragrance.  When the last room was complete I sat on the couch and admired the work of my hands.

Order had been restored in my home, and the beginnings of order being restored in my heart had begun its work too.

That evening the boys came home and we ate a simple supper together on the patio.  Slowly the sun set behind the house casting long shadows over the lawn.  The atmosphere felt different that night.  We laughed easy and I felt light on the inside.  Time was spread out before me like an open field.  Dishes cleared and washed, boys in bed, I sat on my couch wrapped in a heavy blanket of peace.

I had done it, I had come home.  I took the leap of faith and obeyed what I did not want to obey.  I gave up what I had worked so tirelessly for.  I traded my fears of an unknown future in for trusting that God was my faithful one, never failing me, not even once.  The numbers made no sense on paper, and only time would unfold the story of provision so lavish, always on time.

Three years later.


Another season silently takes her place on the stage of my life, as the old one quietly folds itself up. This time I am greeting my new post with a soul at rest.  A toddler almost three, two boys in youth, and an energetic second grader.  I have words to say and relationships to build.  My spirit is alive and I am filled with joy.