Nothing is consistent.
Yesterday I raised my white flag. Something had to change.
Order needed to be restored from my chaos.
I want to make room inside for the coming of Jesus this Christmas. It isn't even Christmas shopping that has diverted my attention, I have bought nothing yet. And that is not some super spiritual move on my part, it is just fallout from the mess of my days.
When I need to restore order, the first place I begin is with me. I need a peaceful place to come and sit. That is my bedroom, my haven I have created for myself.
Here's how yesterday went down (pre-white flag raising). Got up late. Every room was already scattered with bits of clutter here and there. Felt behind. Needed order. Needed a calm place to sit and be with Jesus (hi, remember me Lord?). So I timed myself. Like, literally, timed myself. Getting ready feels like it takes 3 hours. So I timed myself. Turns out I can be ready in 45 minutes max. It took 3 minutes to get the baby dressed for the day and her hair fixed.
I spent 10 minutes fluffing my bedroom. I made my bed, turned on my lamps, picked up last night's clothes, ran a quick vacuum because lines complete me, lit my new Twisted Peppermint candle, turned on my Instrumental Christmas Pandora radio, got my Peppermint Mocha Creamer with a splash of coffee, and I locked myself in my bedroom.
The day started out behind and I took an hour to restore the order on the outside so that I could restore the order on the inside. We have to know the truth about ourselves. My truth is that I need order to rest. Chaos is so distracting for me. And here is what I decided. The rest of the house might be a dump, but my room is my space to keep just so, just how I like it. It is my tiny space in this big world that is mine to retreat to. It is my personal retreat space. In a home shared with a lot of other people, I have made a space to go. I have filled this room with beauty and it is one place I can create order to take the rest I need, both at night and throughout the day.
After I sat and admired the order of the room, I flipped open my Bible to this page. Get up and prepare. Dress yourself for work.
My life feels like one big sloppy bad habit. There are so many sloppy areas to address it is hard to know where to start. Life has piled up around me and buried me. There are so many pieces to move so I can climb to freedom. I look at the long road ahead, and I threaten to shut down and keep doing nothing. I threaten to keep living in this pile of defeat.
But I have to start SOMEWHERE. So I choose to start here. With this habit. The habit of getting up, getting ready (even if it is just a shower and clothes with no pretty make-up and air dried hair). Getting up and dressed, making my bed, and taking the first moments of my day to sit with Jesus. It seems like order always starts in this place for me. With getting up and creating a space to meet with the Lord.
And sit I did. I sat with Jesus and Exodus 33 and spent time thinking about how Joshua just wanted to linger in the presence of the Lord. He did not want to go from His Presence. And this is what I am asking from the Lord. I am asking for big heaps of desire to linger in His Presence. For an increase of the filling of the Holy Spirit in my life. I want to wake up.
Make room. Create a space. Create your own Tent of Meeting to meet with Jesus and then come.
Make room. Lord, make room in our hearts for more of you this Christmas season in Jesus name I pray.
