Do you remember one of the very first scenes in the movie where it shows Jlo coming home from work? She lays things out for dinner, just so. You can tell by her movements that she is careful to tend to every tiny detail in her world. She cleans and tidies the house before bed. Her world is a picture of perfect order.
That is me.
Well, that is the me buried under all the mismatched socks and Legos. I have a constant tension of my natural bent and my reality. And let me tell ya, things have derailed around here.
One look at the pictures tells the story of life run a muck. Whatever it is that derails you, getting back up and getting back on track can be difficult. It's like, when you pass a certain point, you kind of give up because you are not sure what to tackle first.
For us it has been a string of sickness. As in off and on for twelve weeks. I have personally taken a couple of the hits and the result of my absence in the home is explosions of stuff everywhere I turn.
Everywhere I turn I see messes. Floors overrun. Dressers spilling over, so full they will not even shut.
Everything feels like it holds a layer of sticky and I cannot get myself caught up. I am barely keeping my head above the water. Two weeks ago I raised my white flag. Sent out an SOS in an exasperated prayer to the throne. I was in such need of a place to retreat to on a daily basis. I needed to create a space to go that was one tiny corner of order in my world. Some kind of constant something that even sickness could not touch. The rest of the house could be falling down, but I needed to create a corner of this world that I could call my own. Where I could create the beauty that would fill me up.
I put pen to paper and made my battle plan. It was time to fight for change. Here is the list of things I went through to bring myself to a better place:
- I realized that I HAD to figure out how to come to the throne room of grace every single day
- This meant I needed to create a space where I could mentally sit and be with Jesus
- I outlined a very simple plan of attack. (wake, shower, prepare my room, show up)
This is my tent of meeting where I have been coming for eleven days straight to be with Jesus. As you can tell from the pictures, we are still living in a pretty solid state of survival mode around here, but this space...this space right here, I have prepared the space and I have been coming and He has been meeting me right here in the middle of all my mess called life.
